As I’ve reached 40 years of being alive, I assess life as a whole. As ONE big experience.
I used to give way too many eff’s about so many things that were out of my control so if you’re where I was, this may help you (download your values assessment).
I used to care about what people thought of how I looked, what I said. I used to care if they liked me and would go out of my way for them to “see” me. I would talk louder to be heard. I would say stupid shit to be liked. I would go places with someone when they didn’t have anyone else to go with. I would behave in ways that made me look like an idiot. All to be noticed…
What I didn’t realize is that I was noticed, just not in the way I wanted to be.
5 years ago, I started redefining Tiff. Tiffany. Dr. Tiffany. Because SHE is ONE person, a trailblazer, connector, healer, communicator. I help others heal, expand and LIVE so why wasn’t I being that person all the time?
I’ve determined my top 2 values: CONNECTION AND CONTRIBUTION. These are some of the ways they show up:
- If you ask me to go to a social to reconnect with a bunch of people…No
- If you ask me to be with a small group of people I love, I can connect with and relate to, all damn day
- If you ask me to go on a cruise with “so many thing to do and places to see”- No
- If you ask me to go on a trip with people I LOVE, to have freedom to roam, fill up my and other’s cup, have conversations and drink beer. YES, all damn day.
- If you ask me to go on a big bus trip to explore a different area and experience different food with a group of friends I will say no. Car sick on a bouncy bus with a bunch of people I don’t know, no thank you.
- If you ask me to go on a long road trip with a few close friends while singing in the car with no agenda, I’m all in.
- If you ask me to donate services or products to a local cause = YES. Ask me to sell my stuff at a big vendor event = NO.
- If you ask me to help a family struggling = Yes please. But to donate to a big charity where I don’t know how my investment is used = Nope
- Superficial conversations are dumb – the weather, tv, “how ya doing”
- Sarcasm, reciting movie quotes and passive aggressiveness make me want to leave the premises
Connection and Contribution drive my decisions and my life. My next 3 are Expansion, Leadership and Competition. If you don’t know your top values (find out here), how will you experience the life YOU want? You won’t. You can’t.
Instead, you will live what your parents taught or what your family expects. You will make decisions assuming how they feel instead of how it makes you feel. You will live for tomorrow instead of being excited and present for today. And at the end of the day, you feel let down. Every day. And that emotion turns to more icky ones – guilt, resentment, anger, hopelessness, withdrawl.
So I say this: Eff the expectations. F ‘em.
Start living. Start feeling.
Start small with 1 action every day: What do you want for lunch? What book do you want to read? What do you want to wear? When will you get up? Do you want to take a nap? What will you plant in your garden? Should I buy flowers today? Do I have time to go for a run? What music do I want to listen to in the car? How do I want to make my kids feel today, my spouse, my boss, my coworkers?
- What part of your life do you feel you are fully accepted and what part do you feel you need to be someone different or better? Why?
- With whom can you fully express what you feel and with whom can you not? Why?
Ask yourself more questions. Ask “Why” after every question as it will challenge your beliefs and that drives your behavior.
Many people ask what I work on when I’m not adjusting, leading my team, mom-ing and wife-ing. These are the affirmations I’m working through as these are holding me back right now:
- I’m useful even when I’m not working…(eek, this makes my tummy turn)
- Play is beneficial
- Exercise doesn’t need to suck
- Create more meaning in my work
- Make decisions based on my heart and gut, not head
- Saying what I mean and meaning what I say in ALL areas of my life
Redefine who you are by getting clear on who you want to be…I mean, who you REALLY want to be, what makes your heart feels good. Find that spark that only you have and focus on lighting it everyday so it will continue to light the path for you first, then for others.
In all things honest. And real. And raw.