HAPPY is a buzz word because let’s get real, doesn’t everyone want to be happy?
Now enters PROBLEM. Oooh, run away as fast as you can. I know, that word makes you squirm and you may be getting hot and uncomfortable. Conflict, controversy – those are words and situations that you avoid like the plague. And because of that, I imagine you aren’t very happy.
Mark Manson is a brilliant writer and author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck (psst, before the judgy-judy comments come out about the title, read it). It’s a masterpiece and caught me saying “OMG, did he really say that” many times, like I felt he was shaking my shoulders. And for the record, there aren’t many people that say things that make me stop and think OMG, maybe I sound like that?!?
I digress. Back to HAPPY. We are happy when we solve problems, when we address the pain point and the struggle. Mark says there are 2 things that we do to screw up HAPPY:
- Be in denial
- Be a victim
DENIAL
If you were like me, I dreamt of a fairytale life – to get married and never argue, be in love, be fully supported and taken care of. I dreamt of having children, perfect little children in a perfect little world. I worked to help people every day and they were gracious, loving and forever appreciative. I lived in a beautiful little farmhouse with animals, land, hills and water. It was free, open and calm. I called this ‘my dream’. Some call it UTOPIA.
And you may be thinking, “Well at least she’s positive”.
BULLSHIT.
The positive veil was a hoax. Utopia didn’t exist. I was constantly disappointed by people, by circumstances. I turned my cheek. I didn’t believe that people committed crimes, hurt others to harm, were purposefully negligent. I didn’t want to believe that people were cursed. I trusted without fact. I trusted without proof. I trusted humanity to think and feel like I did. But they didn’t.
And it separated me more than I knew.
I was in DENIAL that all people were good people, were God’s people.
I realized that I cannot be HAPPY if I haven’t figured out what my problems are. If I don’t have the courage to stand up for myself to solve them. If I don’t trust that I will be stronger and happier on the other side of the struggle.
So, I did it. I leaned in. I wrote down all of my problems, struggles and pain. I decided that I can see it or turn my cheek. I want the reward, the carrot at the end of the race yet it doesn’t come in material form. It’s me, it’s how I feel about myself and who I want to be in my circle. And I can Be, Do, Have ANYTHING if I am HAPPY.
VICTIM
2 winters back, a lovely middle-age woman walked into the doors of our office. She was looking for help, for hope, for a miracle. This is not unusual. From our conversation, I came to the conclusion just like hundreds of others before her:
She thinks I can save her.
She has tried every clinic, every doctor, every drug and every therapy losing hope with every new experience. She believes she was born broken. She believes that God has failed her; but maybe another clinic, doctor, drug or therapy will fix her.
But that will never happen because of her mindset. She is choosing to see that she has been dealt the wrong cards, that she woke up on the wrong side of the bed every.freaking.day. She is not choosing personal responsibility, but instead making excuses and blaming others for her circumstances, her life. Wow, what powerful words: blaming someone else for your life, your whole life. That’s bold.
But that’s what many do – whether regarding health, relationships, money, career, purpose, friends, hobbies. Instead, Master your Mindset and OWN YOUR PROBLEMS. Look at them, define them, take responsibility for them. The more struggle and pain you go through, the bigger reward at the end. Conversely, the more you hide behind the shadow, the more of the shadow you will see.
Life happens FOR you, not TO you. Find ways every day to see the lesson, your lesson.
Be in allowance, not denial. Be the victor, not the victim.
HAPPY writing about your PROBLEMS. ❤️
Dr. T
